Hey guys, I decided to blog an entry about this after Siang Yee asked me a question about it. Aiyo... Everytime go out with him, he will leave my mind hanging with thoughts and stuff. L0L! I'm not saying it's a bad thing though, but hey it's good sometimes to just stop and think about some stuff. Anyway, if you are a sensitive person then just skip this entry yeah? This entry isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings or anything. These are just my thoughts on Trust and it's up to you guys to agree or disagree with it. Feel free to fill me with your thoughts are even comment on it. =]

So, his question was... "What if a close friend, who is like a brother to you, betrays you? HOW!?". Hmm... That was how we started talking on the topic about Trust. Another question was... "But will you know what are his actual thoughts?" So after those two mind-blowing questions, I went home and thought about the issue on Trust. Prepare for a long entry! L0L!

How many people can you guys COMPLETELY/TOTALLY trust? I mean apart from family. Basically, how many of your friends can you guys completely or totally trust? To be honest, I only have a handful or maybe even less. Handful as in you go count the number of fingers on your hand la then you tell me how many... Yeah, 5 or less. I mean it is true that you will never know what the other person is thinking. You won't even know if the person actually treats you as a friend or if he's just using you or taking advantage. You will just never know! So how easy is it to completely put your trust in someone without any doubt? The person might be good to you and all, but ultimately you'll never know what he is thinking of. Trusting someone isn't much of a problem for anyone, but trusting someone totally is something very different. So, take a moment and think about how many people can you guys trust completely? Of course it is great to have someone other than your family who you can trust wholeheartedly. The reason being sometimes you don't talk to your parents about certain stuff mah. Generation Gap? L0L! Or even secrets? You just want to talk to someone else other than family at times right? That's for me la, I don't know about you guys.

So I didn't really managed to answer Siang Yee's first question. I did answer it, but that person wasn't a close friend or anything, so it's different. I told you guys about the colleague who scammed my $200 before right? Ok, for those who didn't hear about it before, let me take myself and you guys down memory lane...

I was working at this company after my 'O' levels and this girl joined the company after me. She only managed to stay in there because she knew the boss of the company in Church. So EVS. We talked and stuff because we were around the same age. One day, she told me she had this good deal for iPod Shuffles from her friend's dad, so I told her to get 2 for me and a friend. Yeah, I know I was naive back then. I passed her the money because she said her friend's dad wanted payment to be made first before shipping in the products. After that, she said she was heading to Melbourne for a short holiday and she told me she will keep in contact with me on how to collect the iPod Shuffles from her friend's dad shop. Apparently, when she was in Melbourne, she told me the stocks were delayed and she will get back to me when she's back in Singapore. Ok, so I pestered her about it when she came back and she said it was delayed slightly. 2 weeks later, she left for Melbourne again and no contact was made from then on. She probably blocked me on MSN and her Singapore line was off. I kept trying to get her, but I couldn't contact her at all, so I sort of gave up.

One fine day, which was like months later or even a year, I tried my luck. Her Singapore line rang and it was her sister over the phone. I asked for her Australia line and I called her up. She was pretty shocked and apparently she couldn't remember who I was. After reminding her of the iPod Shuffles, her memory came back and she said she was busy and she will message me the details. Oh, I did ask her why wasn't she on MSN anymore and she answered she was still trying to get the Internet hooked up after who knows how long. ZzZ. Well, she couldn't run away this time. She said somehow the iPod Shuffles shipping had some problem and it was cancelled, but I could go to her friend's dad shop to get a refund. She messaged me her friend's email, which was invalid. In the message, she told me not to let her family know about it because her mum told her never to help anyone buy anything in case such a thing happened. She told me it wasn't invalid and asked me to wait for the person to be online. From then, she didn't reply to my messages or calls.

Well Bitch, you got me good! I didn't really tell anyone about it. I didn't call up her family because what's the use? Do you think they will believe me more than their own daughter? I didn't call the cops because what can they do when she's in Australia already and god knows when she's returning. Her message about not telling her family was I don't know... I just felt that she already had the intention of cheating my money. If she really wanted to return that refund, she should have called her friend and asked her friend to give me a call. Well didn't work out that way, so yeah you got me good. I learnt a valuable lesson from this at the expense of $200. Yes, a very costly lesson indeed. From that day onwards, I totally stopped trusting or believing anyone at all. Seriously! I thought everyone out there cannot be trusted after that incident. Slowly, I started putting my trust in people. The difference before the incident and after is... last time, I could trust people easily without thinking. Now, I would put some thought before believing anything anyone says. Also, previously, I could put complete trust in many people without much doubt. NOW, it's totally opposite! L0L! I don't trust everyone completely except a few and even then, there's still doubt hanging around.

Yeah, that was only one incident. There are other minor incidents that happened too, but they didn't involve money. However, it involved something I feel is more valuable and that is friendship/relationship. I just seem to suck real bad at being around with the right people. I mean everytime I'm with someone who I managed to get very close with, the friendship will be gone. It really sucks, especially when I wonder if all the people I'm close with right now will turn their backs against me someday. Yeah, I had a very close friend who I treated like a brother in secondary school. He didn't betray me or anything, but our friendship was still broken and we haven't talked since then. I don't really know what went wrong except he told me I changed? Yes, so it's really really very frustrating for me. Now, I try not to get very close to anyone anymore. I keep a distance from everyone because I feel that whenever I become close to anyone, that relationship will just be over. Although it was just ONE incident, but still, the amount of pain it caused and the scars left behind will always be there. Yeah, so I really apologise if you guys are really trying to get close with me, but I can't do the same. You have to understand that it isn't because I don't want to, but it is because I don't want to get hurt like **** again.

See, that's why I say sensitive people shouldn't read because I might offend them or in fact offend anyone unintentionally. I know you guys would be thinking like "Hey, but I'm not like your that secondary school friend what! What's that suppose to mean?". I'm not saying you are, but sometimes things just happen... get me ? It's hard to put in words. You have to experience something similar to know what it's like. There are like close ones who I really want to get even closer with, but how can I ? Once again, it involves trust. *Sighz* Yeah, so I get it's good for me to keep a certain distance? The strange thing is that I don't even like that "distance". As in, I would really like to be closer with certain people, but I'm afraid? I guess you can say I'm afraid... I don't think there's any sort of remedy to cure me from this. Another difference about me is that last time I would take the initiative to get close with someone, but now I won't get close to anyone unless they come get close to me. Hmmm... perhaps the only remedy for me is that people choose to get close with me and actually tell me that. That will probably be the change and the thing to look out for too.

Ok, so whatever I've said, you can take it as crap and one ear go in the other go out or you can think about it. Think about how important trust and friendship is. Think about the friendship you have with me. Think about how much you trust me. You guys can always let me know and hey if you all decide that you guys don't trust me after reading my entry, I won't hold anything against anyone. I truly believe that friendship is nothing at all without trust. So you guys think about what I have said from the start and yeah, fill me in with your thoughts too k? Just remember to say what you mean and mean what you say! =]

"Be kind - Remember every one you meet is fighting a battle - everybody's lonesome."
- Marion Parker