Part Deux.
my name is Shawn. The Message.
Tunes. Them. Daryl Farhanah Hongyue Jian Chao Liu Yun Qing Xiang Serene Previously. Beautiful Like You. Hi Blog ! Ep 1.4 Ep 2.3 - my name is Shawn II Ep 1.3 - my name is Shawn. Ep 4.2 - The Difference Between Colleagues & Friends Ep 3.2 - 3 Months Later... Ep 2.2 - New Year; New Hope. Ep 1.2 Chapter II Ep 7.1 - The Real World. The Past. May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 April 2008 May 2008 September 2008 December 2008 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 December 2009 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 December 2010 June 2011 Credits. This skin is produced by Headlight Productions. The icons are from Three More Steps. All codes are meticulously hand-coded, and can not be used as basecodes or reference. All css and javascript in the code passes validation. © Copyright Headlight 2008 - Forever. All Rights Reserved. |
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Monday, March 26, 2007 1:08 am
=]
Allo. I wanted to go to bed already, but now I'm much more awake after a few droplets of tears streamed down on my face. Ever heard this song entitled "Fix You" by Coldplay? You guys should check it out. The lyrics are really meaningful and I feel like I can relate to the song too! So do check the song out and here's the lyrics to my favourite part in the song...
Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down on your face and I Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you..... Here's a link to the video, but this isn't by Coldplay though. It was done by Lukas Rossi, the guy who won Rockstar: Supernova. I felt he did the song really well especially towards the end at 2:08 and if you notice carefully, Paula Abdul is in the audience too! Yeah, so do take a look if you have the time because I felt really moved when he did the song live on Rockstar: Supernova. =] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouiU5igVEaA Anyway, I would just like to share another video with you guys. I actually took this video home on the way back from a jog. It's a video of this adorable kitten which kept following me as if trying to tell me something. Usually, when I see cats I won't bother or think too much about them. This one was special in a way though because I walked past and turned back to take a look at it. It approached me after that and walked in front of me before sitting down. When another lady came by, it went behind me to hid! Aww... I felt like bringing it home, but I knew my parents won't be too keen on me and I'll probably have to sleep outside the house along with this kitten. L0L! Yeah, so go take a peek if you can because the video is less than a minute! =] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCxlMtxsXbI I went to church with fei ge and I'm happy that I did. They had the altar call again, but I didn't go. I'm not prepared yet to be honest, but I'm not sure why actually. I want to be able to put my hand up proudly and really let God in before making that commitment to be a Christian. Yeah, so I'm still waiting for that moment and that right time. I have no idea how long it will take, but you guys still remember this phrase I used quite recently... "Slowly, but surely!" =] Yup, so I'm not going to spend too much time elaborating on it because religion is a personal thing afterall! =] During the sermon, I was looking at the pastor and he reminds me of Sow Tong Bee!! The hair look like wig leh really, but I still can't figure out if it is. I couldn't concentrate la because too distracting already la! Then, the only thing that I can vaguely remember is like when you close your eyes, you can see the vision of your future? Am I right? Somewhere along that line right? Yeah, so spent most of the time communicating with fei ge by typing out the message on my phone. L0L! He saw all my messages from the inbox and sent messages! >.<>.< I went to meet Hongyue for lunch at West Mall after that and we walked around for awhile too. She had to leave around 3pm plus and at the bus interchange we started talking about friendship and stuff. She told me that true friends are very hard to come by nowadays. It's very true la in a way and that's why I'm fortunate to have met her! Come to think of it, I know her for like 6 years already leh! I mean that's freaking long leh and I'm starting to feel old! Still, it's special la because I know I can tell her stuff that others might not actually understand, so I told her some of my current issues and things that I'm dealing with! Thanks for listening! =] I went home after that and slacked all the way till now. I was talking to fei ge not too long ago and I didn't mean to disrespect or anything k? I know you're not mad at me, but still I apologise! =] I'm glad I had the conversation with him though because I managed to tell him stuff that I've wanted to tell him for a pretty long time already! I just share with you all la hor... if don't wanna listen then your problem la! L0L! I told him that he's the only person I listen to other than my parents, which is the truth of course. What I mean by this is when my parents tell me not to do something, I won't do it unless I've got a good explaination, which I will talk with them about it. If anybody else tell me not to do something, I not necessarily listen to them all the time. Yup, so other than my parents, fei ge's the only other person that I will listen to or obey in other words. He told me he doesn't deserve it and he isn't such a good bro. I asked if it is me that makes him feel that way, but he said no. Hey, if you do read this, good for you! ahaha! I told you earlier, but I'm going to say it again k? You are a good bro and you do not need to prove that to me k? =] The rest of the conversation is not for you all to see already, so don't KPO! L0L! Ok, I want to sleep already! Later got Amazing race at 8am so must wake up and watch! Take care and be good! ahahaha! =] "Strive for excellence, not perfection." H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Friday, March 23, 2007 12:57 am
Touched By A Tranny!
Ok, please do not view that following content if you are below 18. I shall take no responsibility in polluting your innocent minds. Whatever is written here, stays in here. If you are viewing my blog for the very first time, this isn't the appropriate entry to begin with. If you are a close person to me, please move your cursor to the top right corner and click the 'X', but if you do decide to read on instead, please do not judge me base on this event. For those that do not know me that well, please do not judge me base on this event either. Yes, so I suggest that if you are below 18, you close this window for your own good! =]
... close leh... wad see see still !? u brought this upon urself... last chance... ok... u betta not regret this... Today was a weird day! I met my friends in town to catch Mr Bean The Holiday and it was a stupid but funny movie la. L0L! We walked around, then off to dinner before heading to this "Chips" bar near Forum Gallery. After that, we headed to Orchard Towers... this is where you should really stop reading if you're underage! Jeremiah was telling us in the bar about Orchard Towers crowded with prostitutes. Dennis was interested to take a look, so we headed there. We headed in and walked around the first storey, which was mostly bars and clubs. There wasn't much to see, so we went out. From outside we looked up and the second storey was like crowded and where most people were headed. Jeremiah dared us to walk 1 round of the second storey and he will give us $10. L0L! Dennis seemed keen on that $10 and so was I, so I convinced everyone to go together. We were walking in this order... Jeremiah, Weixuan, Dennis, I and Alex. We took the escalator up and there were full of prostitutes crowded around. So we just started walking and the place was small, so it didn't take long to complete the round. Towards the end where you can actually see the down escalator and you thought it wasn't that bad afterall. Well, shit happens. There was this tranny talking on the mobile phone and Alex, Dennis and I all got stunned. The voice ah... jitao more MAN than mine seh like bass guitar like that. So we walked past safely, but after that ah... AIYO... This tranny sort of approached Dennis after Jeremiah and Weixuan had already walked past and were about to head down. Dennis was shocked, but managed to avoid him/her. I was behind him and his reaction was funny la and I wanted to laugh, but cannot so I just smiled. The tranny approached me after that and I thought I could just avoid him/her just like Dennis did. He/She fucking touched me on my right upper arm. ~!@#$%^&* KNNBCCB! That was when I really freaked out and had a shocked. I jumped up slightly and quickly moved away. Alex was behind me and he quickly siam also. Wah lao, fuckin' suay sia out of 5 people then only I kena. However, after that I was still smiling because it was damn funny la but fucking disgusting and I wasn't smiling because he/she touched me. That tranny so eeeyer somemore. Wah, it was still a good experience! L0L! I told myself before going up that I have to do this at least once in my life. L0L! I didn't expect that thing to happen though and it wasn't a pleasant thing too! Yes, so there you have it, my encounter with a tranny. What a day eh? L0L! I just realised I managed a hat-trick by blogging for the past 3 days and it's a wonderful accomplishment too! I haven't done that in a long time too! Anyway, I have to end here for now and go to bed because I have to wake up early later to go run. So, it's farewell for now, but I'll be back again soon k? Take care and cya soon! =] "Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well." - Mahatma Gandhi "It comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don't get on the wrong track or try to do too much." - Steve Jobs
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Thursday, March 22, 2007 12:31 am
Religion II
Hey guys, I am back and better than ... k whatever. L0L! Kk, cut the crap and get to the point la hor? I actually managed to find the courage within and open up to my parents! Yeah, at last after 3 weeks, I confessed and told them the truth...
I slept at 1am and woke up at 5.30am! I was super duper tired, but I still woke up just for my dad! So my dad, mum and I took a cab down to NUH and we reached about 7.40am? The registration and waiting and stuff took awhile, then my dad was brought to this day surgery ward where the beds are. I met Ce Rong there! We were both stunned because we didn't think of all places we will meet there. L0L! He was there to accompany his dad too, so we talked and caught up for awhile. After sometime, Ce Rong and his dad left to somewhere else and I sat with my mum and dad. That was the time when I had to let it all out before I implode. I told them where I've been for the past 3 Sundays and everything. My mum wasn't surprised because she said she knew, but just didn't want to ask as she was waiting for me to tell them. Before I could tell them more, my dad had to be moved to the surgery waiting area. It was around 9am when he went in and it will take about 2 hours according to the doctor. My mum and I went down to get a cup of tea in the meantime. I talked to her more about it and she told me she didn't mind if I were to convert to Catholic, Christian or any others BUT not at CHC because she didn't have a good impression of that church from hearsay. I told her that if she didn't want me to go then I wouldn't BUT let me clear and clarify some things up first. I told her everything I knew and gave examples and explain to her. I'm not sure how she feels about it now, but I can gladly say that she understands more about it and she is willing to put her trust in me. My dad came out at 11.30am and the great news was that everything was alright! He is fine and in good shape now. He was suspected of having blockage in his artery, but apparently it wasn't blocked at all, so no operation had to take place! Wah, I'm like super relieve can? Even now when I talk about it, it's still so freaky man. My mum and I went back up after tea at 11am to start waiting and during that entire period, my heart was beating like siao! Thankfully, everything's alright and my dad just had to stay for 4 hours to be monitored by the nurses. He funny la, still can make fun of one of the nurse say she look like the "Ugly Betty" on television. L0L! By 5pm, he was discharged and he's all good now too. He will be resting at home till Sunday, so he only has to go back to work on Monday! Yay! I went to meet my friends in the evening for dinner and I just came back not too long ago. I'm extremely tired and sleepy right now, but I just had to blog and let everyone know my current situation. It's like a double relieve for me because firstly, my dad's alright and secondly, I managed to tell my parents the truth about the past 3 Sundays and I don't have to hide it from them anymore! Isn't that Cool ? =) Anyway, I decided not to forsake God as I just learnt it last week and it's probably the only thing I remembered in that service. The only difference is that I'll be going with Dennis this week. Erm... Yeah, don't ask why k ? That's just the way it is for now. So I'm going to go sleep now. Thanks all for hearing me out and I'll update again if any stuff should arise yeah? Take care! =] "To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you're dead." - Og Mandino "Real strength is not just a condition of one's muscle, but a tenderness in one's spirit." - McCallister Dodds
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 12:22 am
Religion.
Hey guys! This is going to be a really short entry and maybe I'll talk more about it the next time I blog. For now, I'm going to make it short and sweet! =]
I talked to my dad earlier about religion. It was a super short conversation la, I didn't tell him everything yet. I haven't told him that I've been going to church, which is the most important part. However, I just talked to him about religion and he told me that he'll leave it to me to decide whatever religion I believe in. The only thing else he told me was that whatever religion I chose to believe in, always remember to be a good person. I was touched la at the moment in time and nearly cried! =[ I wanted to talk to him more about it and hopefully actually mention to him where I've been for the past 3 Sundays, but his phone rang la. Aiyo... Anyway, I didn't want to push it. I just want to know his opinion if I decide to be a Christian and now that I know he is alright with it, at least I can fang xin abit understand? L0L! I forgot the English term for "Fang xin". Yeah, now I need to talk to my mum too, but I know that she is alright with whatever religion I believe in because she told me before. So the tough part is explaining where I've been the past 3 Sundays and why all the way to Expo when there's so many other churches nearby. I feel that I need to tell them asap if not it's like a burden. It feels like the whole world on my shoulders, but I don't have the courage to talk to them about it actually. They know about CHC too and they always hear the not so good stuff about it, so how am I to convince them? Once I tell them all of these, it would be great because I don't have to keep all these things to myself and lie about where I went for the past 3 Sundays. Siang Yee told me it wasn't good lying to my parents too and of course I know it isn't a good thing la, but HOW??? I really don't know how to tell them. If I'm able to tell them, then all I'm left with is myself and if this is really what I want. Once I figure that all out, then I will be able to complete the puzzle. I'm going to accompany my dad to NUH later for a checkup to determine some stuff. It's kind of hard for me to describe it here, but if you really would like to know, just ask. My mum would be coming along too, so I'm hoping I'll be able to talk to her about it. Obviously that isn't why I'm tagging along la! I'm not like that. I just want everything to be alright and I just hope my dad would be fine. I cannot take this kind of thing one if it isn't ok, I will go into deep depression mode and nobody can talk me out of it. So pray for my dad ok? I know he's going to be fine! =] Last Sunday, they had this altar call, but I didn't go down. Firstly, I wasn't ready yet and the timing wasn't right because I'm still facing some tough situations in my life now that I want to solve. Secondly, I really want my parents to be alright with it first. I'll listen to them and if they are really against it then I won't do it because they are the ones they brought me up since birth. I just need some time to think it through and I really want to respond because I want to and not because someone else wants me too. That is what that has been bothering me for the past few days. Religion is a very personal thing to me and I would like to keep it that way. If I sincerely decide on being a Christian, I don't think it's a MUST for me to respond because as long as in my heart I believe in God, I know I'm already saved. I don't mean to disrespect anyone because that is my genuine opinion and I apologise if anyone feels that way. I really hope what I said in this entry will get through to all my friends and I assure you guys that no matter what my religion is, I'll always be the same old Shawn that you all know! I promise that I'll still be the same and I hope that if I truly become a Christian, you guys won't hate me or let our friendship be ruin because of that k ? I'll like to leave you guys with this... "Judge me for who I am and not on my Colour, Dialect or Religion". Have a great week ahead and I'll update you guys more on the situation yeah? =) "There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness." - Josh Billings
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Monday, March 19, 2007 2:35 am
Signs.
Dear Blog,
Yesterday was Sunday and it was a really weird day for me. Anyway, Hongyue and Malbindar are not in town as they are both on holidays. Hongyue is in Taiwan, but she should be returning back today. However, I doubt I'll see her anytime soon. Malbindar left on Saturday for Australia and he's going to be there for 2 weeks! Isn't that Cool ? *Sighz* I'm going to be bored and it's going to be hard to find someone to talk to since Mal isn't in town. Anyway, like I said it was a weird day yesterday. I don't really know how to describe it? However, I can gladly say that the day got better. I had to wake up at 7:30am and proceed to Expo alone. I did tell my parents the day before that I was going out, but I didn't say where. My dad kind of got suspicious and he said in a joking way "How come you these past Sundays always go out so early like people going church like that". I didn't respond. I was really tired because I didn't get a good night sleep and I couldn't sleep on the damn train either. I reached Expo and blah blah etc. etc. I don't want to elaborate about it because I just didn't aiya dunno how to explain la. It's like my body is physically there, but my mind is not. Got it? Yeah, I don't know how else to explain already. So after 2.5 hours, I took the train back to Clementi to meet Jeremiah and Weixuan. We were supposed to meet 2pm, but I called them to come earlier because I thought I would reach about 1.30pm. The fricking train at Expo took 11 minutes to come, but I still managed to reach Clementi at 1.45pm and they still came about 2pm. L0L! We went to buy games then had lunch and proceeded to Jeremiah's house. I was really drained by then and I fell asleep after awhile. The good thing was that I managed to play his brother's acoustic guitar for awhile! Yeah, the shiokness of the highness was there and all my problems were cast away. We stayed till about 7pm plus before Weixuan and I left. Weixuan left for home, but I didn't want to go home yet because I didn't feel like, so I went to meet Siang Yee for the first time. L0L! I met him at Chinese Garden MRT station. Sibei Cheena siaL! Ok, then he took me to this prata store. I don't know the name of the shop, but it isn't RK house la. L0L! We wanted to ask Herdy to come also, but he was at Yishun. Aiyoo... so we ate at the prata shop and it's cheaper than Alif at Bukit Gombak! Funny la he can talk so much of cock just like me. L0L! After that, we went to a void deck nearby to slack and he wanted to smoke also. L0L! Then we talked more and I realised that we have quite a lot in common too! It's pretty cool actually when you meet someone for the first time other than in school and it's like you can click with them easily. The stuff we talked about are also those sensitive stuff and problems that I don't usually even talk to others about also. Yea, it's nice to really just sit down to talk and do nothing else. I haven't done that in don't know how many years already. Ok la, the only other thing that he did besides talking was smoking. L0L! The good thing was that he discourage me from smoking, but paisei la sia I was tempted because I heard smoking can forget your problems. L0L! Still, it was really nice just to have a conversation like this without any distractions. I think we sat and talked for at least an hour before leaving. I reached home after 11pm? So I think we actually talked for about 2 hours at that void deck leh... So later Khairul is coming over to get my guitar and Farhanah's guitar fixed. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly and according to plan. L0L! Let's see my schedule for this week so far although I haven't really decide what to do. There will probably be more changes than anticipated! L0L! Monday: Khairul coming over Tuesday: Sentosa Wednesday: Accompany my dad to NUH Thursday: Jog! Friday: Jog! Saturday: Slack! Sunday: Slack! Ok la, I quite EMO now actually, but hopefully it will all go away when I wake up in the morning. I saw signs yesterday too when I was going to Clementi and I'm really disturbed already. I think if I see any sort of signs again, I will really go crazy. I just want them to stop already. I'm not sure if I'm going Church this approaching week. *Sighz* I'm sorry I can't be perfect. =[ "Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it." - David Starr Jordan
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Thursday, March 15, 2007 6:21 pm
Life in Sec Sch
*Sighz* I just realised not too long ago that my classical guitar string broke! Hmm... Actually it isn't mine, it's Farhanah's guitar, but I'm still upset! I have no idea how to get it fixed, so anyone able to help me out? I asked Khairul to help me, but he can only do it on Monday, which means 3 days I can't play the guitar! Nooo!!! That means when I'm sad, there's noone or rather nothing to comfort me! Can you feel my pain? =( How? Nothing to get me High already and nothing to keep me from getting EMO! Aiyo... Guitar... What have I ever done to you to deserve this? =(
Anyway, I'm feeling a little better since my last post. Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and stuff. I really appreciate it and I'm touched! Yea, I can feel the love all around too! ;) I'm not that upset about it already, but whenever I think about it, I still feel sad. So many things have happened to me especially when in Secondary school. There were good memories as well as bad memories too! I think there's more not so good memories though. Like ever since an incident or two happened, I find it really tough to trust people or rather get close with them. The reason being whenever I become close with someone, some sh!t will always happen and that friendship or bond will be lost and gone forever. I think since then, I try to maintain a kind of distance and not move forward. Still, there are still people that I care for a lot and I hope they care for me just as much too! When I went back to read my last entry, it was kind of weird because maybe I revealed more than I should? At that time when I wrote it, I was just letting it all out because I knew my blog would understand. L0L! Mainly because it isn't human, so it won't get mad at me for anything and it will always be there for me through thick and thin! I can't say the same thing for humans though, because if I actually told someone about that in words instead of typing, they would probably take it like I'm talking to the wall or get fed up with me. Yeah, and I don't want to take that chance because it could cause a friendship! Ok, so perhaps my point is that I tell my blog everything. No, seriously, EVERYTHING. I blog about anything and everything about me, my life and other stuff too! Therefore, my blog reveals me and who I am. If you guys want to know more about me and my life, my blog's the best place to figure me out! My problems and stuff can all be found here, so if I don't talk about my problems or say I'm fine when you figure out I'm not, then you'll probably find my problems and everything else right here. I seriously think that you need to have a good deal of patience too because my entries are usually long! L0L! And yes, my blog is probably the best place to know more about me! =] I mean sure you can ask me and stuff la, but I have my own secrets too right? Everyone does, but there's only one person or thing rather that I'll tell and that's my blog! I should give my blog a name or something man, since it's like always there for me. How about Blogger? Sounds so original right? =X Kidding! Maybe Bob the Blog! Stylo!! As for now, you'll still be known as Blog! =] Thanks to those that actually spent time reading my last entry too and understanding. Also, thanks for not asking me if I'm alright and stuff because I was not during that time. I'm getting better, but it's not easy to control and suppress all the pain and stuff I've been through for the past few years. Hmmm... but I think I'm better off then in secondary school la. In secondary school, I used to be very sensitive and get upset easily! I'm still sensitive now, but I can say less sensitive compared to then. Secondary school was when I learnt a lot and grown more mature too! I met really sucky people, but I also met lifelong friends! I met HER too! =[ Save that for another time! Hah! I have no regrets la although it will be better if I didn't have to meet those sucky people, but then again I wouldn't be a stronger person today if it wasn't them right? I'm happy that I decide to STAY in Tanglin although I still think the school sucks. L0L! However, the people there power la. I don't know how many of you actually know, but I didn't want to go to Tanglin. Ok, see my blog knows about it now! Hahah. I was on the verge of appealing over to Yusof Ishak Secondary School mainly because it was nearer and I have never heard of Tanglin. So far somemore at West Coast! ~!@#$%^&* Ok la, in the end I realise maybe the travelling time about the same. I stayed in Tanglin thanks to my parents actually, they convinced me to go there and stay for a year. I wasn't happy and I just wanted that 4 years to past real quick. The first year in Tanglin was pretty alright actually, but 2 good friends of mine decided to appeal over to Gan Eng Seng Secondary School at the end of the year. They asked me to appeal with them as well, that was one of those hard times when you see 2 good friends leaving. I wanted to join them too, but somehow I stayed in Tanglin and life just went on in Tanglin. Secondary 2 was cool till the end of the year when the friends I'm close with got into the best class and I didn't because my results sucks la duh. So I had to choose another class and I decided to choose the 4th Express class as the 3rd Express class had to do F&N or D&T and I naturally sucked at both. At that end of the year, my parents actually asked me to transfer to Swiss Cottage Secondary School since it was nearer for me. I just didn't want to because after 2 years, I kind of got used to the environment and people. That time I knew Pan Ge already also! Ok, so the Sec 3 class results came out and I got into the 4th Express class which I chose. Ok, I think many of my sec 3/4 classmates didn't know this, so if you all read this then better go buy 4D, ToTo and all because you all damn lucky siaL! There was this sec 1/2 classmate of mine who got into the 3rd Express class. She chose it, but sort of regret it after that and she wanted to swap to the 4th Express class since her good friends were there too. Ok, let me break it down for all of you. At that point in time, both the 3rd and 4th had people that I wasn't really close with. All of close friends went to another school or to the best class already, so I was more or less ALONE. So I was looking at the subjects rather than the people before choosing the 4th Express class. Then, when the posting was out, I looked at the people. I realised that in the 3rd Express class, there were at least a few people that I talked to. Hongyue was the first girl I talked to in Tanglin, there was Alvin who I talked to as well because his surname Tan mah then during exams and stuff, he is the one sitting in front of me. There was Derrick too, quite a close friend since we started talking on the first few days of school. Ze Hao was there as well, although we don't talk often, but still better than nothing right? So, I was actually posted to the 4th Express class, but what the hell man! I knew it was suicide, but F. it and just do it, so I decided to swap with that sec 1/2 classmate of mine who got into the 3rd Express class. Woah, probably a small decision to you guys, but I think that decision had a big impact in my life! Basically, Sec 3 was getting to know new people and just mixing around and having loads of fun. I realised that I was lucky to swap classes because I really made many good friends! I was chairman that year too and it was a good experience although I didn't really like it. L0L! Hongyue and I became really close friends too and we still are! I made friends who I'm still close with now like Khairul, Malbindar, Justin, Kumar. There are others too that I still talk with, but perhaps not that often and some that are just ~!@#$%^&* who took advantage and brainwashed me. KNNBCCB! Understand? Perhaps Sec 3 was the biggest change that happened to me when I turned from good boy to wild child. >.< I did have a whole load of fun in sec 3 though. At the end of sec 3, Derrick and Khairul got retained and I was really upset because I wasn't able to help them do better and get better results. Secondary 4 was a sh!tty year especially since the 'O' levels were heading our way. I lost a really good friend, but I don't regret it because that "friendship" was just rubbish. I blogged about it quite recently, so I won't touched on it again. There wasn't much that happened in sec 4 because everyone was focusing on their studies and there wasn't time for anything else. Oh well, that year flew past fast and the 'O' levels came rushing towards us sooner than we thought. So there you have it, my 4 years in secondary school. Somehow, I managed to stay in Tanglin for that entire 4 years and ended up where I am today. Also, the event where I decided to switch classes with my friend. Just take a second and imagine what if all of these didn't happen... I wouldn't be able to get close with the friends of close with and in fact, I wouldn't be able to even meet some of them. A whole load of things would be different, probably even the person I am today. I would probably not go to church as well and not met Fei Ge! I might not even have met Pan Ge or Hongyue or Khairul or everybody else if I had not made all those decisions that I had made. Perhaps, what I'm trying to say is that I'm really glad that I made those decisions and I'm blessed to meet all the people I met even those ~!@#$%^&* ones because it has taught me a lot! So there you have it! How my life in secondary school really had a huge impact on the person I am today! Aren't you glad you read the entire thing? ahaha! Or maybe I should say aren't you glad you stopped by my blog to take a look? =X Yup! My blog knows every single bit of me since I started blogging on May 19 2004! Wah! Going to be 3 year anniversary already!!! I have to throw a party or something man! And those who don't update their blogs, you all should you know! I remember there was a period when I totally stopped blogging because I was lazy, but now I realise I cannot be lazy because blogging has become part of me already! It keeps me alive and kicking! In times of happiness or sorrows, my blog is always there for me and it will always be there for me no matter what happens. Awww... so touching right? And I always wish that I can find a human out there who is like that other than my parents! L0L! Yeah, dreaming only because the fact is that only you can be always there for yourself. Anyway, thanks for sticking around and I hope you had a great time reading as much as I had blogging! L0L! Do stay tune for more dose of Shawn next time! Take care and byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =] "We find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve." - Maxwell Maltz
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Sunday, March 11, 2007 11:27 pm
Burden.
Hey guys! I just wanted to blog and write my thoughts down today because I have nobody to really talk to right now. Perhaps the main reason is I dislike making my problem someone else's problem and I hate being a burden to others too. The best way for me to let it out is basically by "talking" with my dear blog. Sometimes I wish robots are real and have true feelings, so that there's like someone there just to provide a listening ear. I'm just feeling vexed right now I suppose. I think having a blog is really great because it is where I can really express my true emotions and feelings. I always put a smile on my face and try to make everyone else happy when I'm with friends and all, but deep down inside it isn't that way.
On Friday, my Mum had a conversation with me alone in the morning and she kind of breakdown pretty badly. Dad's health seem to be in not a really good shape? He needs to go for a test to check the medical condition of his artery to see if it's blocked. It's more like a precaution when someone gets older I suppose, but my Mum was really stressed and worried about it. She started crying and stuff and started talking about her life etc. The things that nobody would like to hear and I've been worried too and stuff. Everytime I try suppressing it, it will surface and when I think of it, the pain is just overwhelming and it hurts especially when they are the people you cared about the most. Whenever I think about it, I just can't hold back my tears, even now when I'm talking about it. I'm holding on and trying to be strong, but I can't hold on much longer anymore. I feel like I'm like a time bomb about to explode, but I can't do anything except hold on. Mum's worried about finance too because the check ups and stuff aren't cheap. She doesn't want me going around telling people, but do I have a choice ? Yes, perhaps I do, but I can't hold on like this because I'll go insane if I don't talk to anyone about this. Yeah, my blog isn't human, but it's my best option by far because I can't talk to anybody else. What will they say or do ? *Sighz* I cared about my parents a lot although I may not necessary show it to them. When I was in secondary school, I couldn't stand my parents because I thought they were more like a burden, but as I matured I realised that they only do the things they do because they LOVE me. Once there was this lady who told me in secondary school "At this age, you hate your parents like anything, but when you grow older, you will understand and love them like anything.". Yeah, she was spot on and I'm trying to make amends, but I just hope that I can make them really proud of me someday. I've always tried and failed. As all of you should know, I only have an elder sister who is 3 years older than me. I'm the only son and I'm the youngest. I don't really care about what others say about the youngest being the most spoilt or being loved by their parents the most because I know it's all rubbish. My parents love me and my sister equally and I'm contended. I just feel that I haven't made them proud although they have said they are still proud no matter what. It's just the feeling I can sense and I know. My sister has always been better in everything compared to me. I have never done anything to outdo her because whenever I tried, I failed. Just look at studies, her PSLE got her into a good secondary school, Swiss Cottage. Where did I get myself into? Tanglin. I don't regret it at all though, but I know my parents expected much more from me. Her 'O' levels got her into SAJC and my grades couldn't even get me into a freaking JC. She did well for her 'A' levels and she's now completing her Accountacy course in NTU. What am I doing? A course that I may not even want to do in the future as my career. I feel that my sister is always going to be better at everything no matter how hard I try. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not pissed off at her for being better at everything because that's just the way it is. My parents always said they are proud as long as I put my best in everything, but those are merely words. How can I not think that I'm nothing but a failure? Especially since we started off at the same ground, but somehow she is just better no matter what. It's difficult for me when I feel like I'm living in the shadows and I walk alone. I was thinking earlier on about quitting and dropping out of school because I want to start working and give my parents a good life, but I know that's not what they want for me. Still, it's my decision afterall isn't it? I just want to make them proud just for once. I can't wait another 5 years after NS and Uni because it is too long. If I drop out now and go into NS, I will start earning a monthly income. Although it isn't much, but I can give it all to my parents. After NS, I can try getting a job somewhere and get a part time diploma or something. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. My results are coming out in 3 days time, but I really can't be bothered right now. I'll be happy for once just to put a smile on their faces. That's all I want to do now and that's all that matters to me now. I went Church again this week and I felt comfort again. I sort of made my decision already, but I just need time to talk to them. I really want to tell them and not keep them in the dark about me leaving the house early in the morning for the past few Sundays, but it just isn't a good time. I don't want to stress them out because they don't need the stress right now. I just pray things will be better and turn out well. I really don't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone this week. My apologies if I don't respond to you. Just give me a call if it is really important and I'll answer it. I think I just need some time alone this week and think things through before deciding on what to do next. Don't ask me if I'm fine because I can tell you now that I'm not and it really isn't going to help much just by asking "Are you fine? Are you ok?". If you guys really want to talk and know more about my situation, just give me a ring or meet me outside and we can just talk. Also, to those people I made appointments with, I'll still meet you guys because I promised to. Sorry to everyone else.
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Friday, March 09, 2007 1:39 am
Commitment.
Ello! I'm back! Hao jiu bu jian! Ale wad oni! ahah... ok 5 days never blog already... sh!t man! Time flies like nobody's business hor? Anyway, it's like quite late already, but I've got inspiration to sleep yet. I guess not till I'm done blogging yeah? Ok, reviewing the week...
I seriously don't recall what I did on Monday! Did I even go out of the house? I don't remember, so I doubt so. I think I slacked at home? *Sighz* Old already and my memory is getting worse! Next Day! Tuesday was a disappinting day la... Alex, Dennis, Jeremiah, Weixuan and I went for this job interview/briefing. My aunty actually introduce the job to me and told me that they needed more people. The more the merrier in fact. Anyway, we went there early like 9am plus and filled in the forms, which we took about half an hour. Then, we waited for the lady to interview us and she took half an hour to come. She wanted to interview us 1 by 1, so Weixuan went in first. He came out after about 10 minutes and the lady told us all that they were not looking for people that can only work for a month, etc. etc. I'm too lazy to explain and too fucked up to talk about it. It's all bullcrap to me la. The paper my aunty showed me was one thing and apparently everything she said was ~!@#$%^&*... EVS. So after waking up early in the morning just to go down all the way, we ended up with nothing at all. I felt disappointed/played out and guilty for giving all my friends false hope. Fuck it. After that, we went to Holland Village for breakfast/lunch. Then we went over to Alex house to play mahjong till about evening time. Everyone seemed drained and I didn't realise how tired I was till I got home. I slept at 9pm plus that day and that was like the first time I slept so early since like Primary school man, but it was quite shiok la actually... On Wednesday, I didn't do much also. I went with Dennis and Jeremiah to jog at Gombak stadium in the evening around 6pm. Although I'm still unfit, but at least I improved from 21 minutes to 18 minutes for my 2.4km! Yeah, it's horrible, but still I'm happy that at least I'm making progress... "Slowly, but surely". I remember my secondary 3 maths teacher used to say that. As for Thursday, I went to run with Dennis, Jeremiah and Weixuan in the morning around 11:45am. My timing was 19 minutes and I set my target at 18 minutes, but I'm still satisfied with myself! The sun really consumed my energy man and it's really different running in the sun and running in the evening. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to train regularly from now onwards yeah! =] We went for lunch at Alif after that and I saw 2 of my Primary school friends. Well, they've changed! Both of them grew taller by a damn lot and smoke too. One of them even has a bike too. Well, I didn't really talk to them much because there isn't much left to talk about. I'm not very close with my Primary school friends except for 2? L0L! I went home after that to take a shower before leaving the house to go Vivo City for the first time! L0L! Ok, seriously, there isn't much to shop and not much to do either. Their shops are the high end kind, so if you're feeling rich then by all means go there la. I met up with Kumar first before Malbindar and Justin came. We walked around and took the tram ride to Sentosa and back... wasted $3 >.< Anyways, I managed to buy a t-shirt! Hongyue and Serene came around 7pm plus. We went for dinner at Hogs Breath and the bill was close to $180! Power sioh... L0L! The food was alright I suppose? It wasn't fantastic though. That wasn't the purpose actually. It's hard for the 6 of us to actually meet up and catch, so to be able to do that was good enough. Yeah, I had a good time too! =] There was something wrong with their cashiering machine, so they took a real long time to get it fixed. I think we left close to 11pm. Malbindar, Hongyue, Serene and I shared a cab home because we were all living in the West. The taxi driver was really nice and it is rare to meet such a taxi driver, in fact it is rare to meet such a person too. I don't think I'll ever meet such a taxi driver ever again. You can tell if someone is sincere and genuine by the way he/she talks and I could tell that he was really sincere. Like after everyone left, the driver and I talked more. I discovered that he's a Christian and he's been to CHC before! Also, he told me he fetched us instead of turning into the taxi stand because of God's will. I kind of felt like it was God's will to meet him too. He also said he could tell if someone is attached just by the way he/she acts or talks. So I asked if he thought that I was attached and he said yes. L0L! I told him he was wrong and I was single. He told me not to worry because I will definitely get in a relationship. He said he could tell just by the way I speak. He told me my voice was "ruo" in chinese. I think it means something like gentle? polite? Yeah, he said I'm a generous person too because I treated my friends for the cab ride. He told me that being generous/nice can be good and bad. Being too generous/nice can cause my downfall because people will make use of me and take advantage of me. He told me to always remember whatever he said next, which was... "Never allow others to take advantage or make use of you. Stand up for yourself." I don't how anyone else will feel la, but I felt really touched. I mean for someone that you do not even know to tell you these kind of stuff and give you advice sincerely from the heart, it's really touching la. I'll probably won't be able to put it in words how I felt at that point, but it was a nice feeling. I reached home and thought about what he said and I felt really emotional. I started tearing because I knew what it was like to be made use of and taken advantage of and threw aside after that. Perhaps I was naive and a fool, but I've learnt and I made a promise to myself that it won't happen again. "Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful". Yes and I've been very grateful and I will always be. You guys know who you are! =] Ok, getting emotional again... Cannot, must learn to control my emotions. I don't think it was a coincidence that I met this taxi driver either. Alright, refering to the title... do you guys still remember one of my New Year Resolution? 9. Commitment - To do whatever I said I will do and not walk away from it or try to avoid it. I feel that it is only right for me to do the things I agree to do and not go back on my words. For 2007, I would like to do everything that I agree to do or help out in. I felt like I've achieved it so far. I mean so far I've kept all my promises and stuff. When I say I'll meet someone, I did so far! I committed to exercise too! Last time, I would cancel some appointments if I was tired or if I just didn't feel like going. However, things have changed this year for the better! When I give you my word, I commit to it even if I'm tired or don't have the mood or whatever excuse I could think of previously! Yeah, I not only want this to last throughout the year, I want it to stay with me from now onwards. Also, usually I'm late whenever I meet people and I'm not saying I'm not anymore. However, I realise that I'm slowly improving and I will like to be early from now on too! Yup, so help me out with that yeah? I'm more committed to my family and friends too! Well, I think I'm getting better, but all these takes time right? Rome wasn't build in a day remember? =X So if for some reason, I pissed anyone of or say something bad or do something wrong, please do let me know. Sometimes I tend to say stuff that aren't really nice and not even know about it. So tell me if I offend anyone or anything yeah? Anyway, I'm stopping here for today because it is 3am already and I need to get some rest as I'm meeting Alex, Jeremiah and Weixuan in 12 hours time at Orchard! L0L! Alright, take care everyone! =] "The end result of kindness is that it draws people to you." - Anita Roddick P.S: Am I nice and kind? =X
Previously On Shawn's Blog
Sunday, March 04, 2007 3:31 pm
=]
Hey!!! Gong Xi Fa Cai! It's the last day already!! Man, so fast 15 days of Chinese New Year coming to an end. So yeah, the last time for me to wish you Happy CNY if not have to wait for a year! Oh and last day for all of you guys to eat the "Yu Sheng" dish! I know OK! L0L! Woah, I haven't blogged for a week already and it's a new month already too! Cannot! Must Maintain! I just realise that there are more people reading my blog too and I cannot let my dear readers down. So, this is the first entry for the month of March! L0L! Ok, so I'm going to rewind till Monday and start from there k? Well, you don't really have a choice! =X
Monday was the 26th of February and I had a breakthrough! I went jogging with my friends in school! It's been a long time since I got up early in the morning to go jogging k! Although everyone was late, but still worth it because I managed to exercise and I realise that I really need to train already. So everyone reached about 12pm when the meeting time was 11am. L0L! I was the earliest man! Breakthrough again! It has been years since I'm the earliest man. We started running about 12pm? L0L! My 2.4km run was like 21 minutes!!! OMG can? Disappointed... It's really time to get serious already man. No more play play! =X After running, we went for lunch at the school canteen. Suddenly, it started pouring and we had a hard time heading home. Err... I kind of forget what I did when I reached home leh... Sorry, old already got short term memory. L0L! Oh on Tuesday right, exciting! First, we went to Jeremiah's house to slack awhile and invest a little. L0L! Then, we went to lunch at the coffee shop nearby. After that, we went to get a tub of ice cream and some bananas before coming over to my place. Alex came a little later and he alighted at the stop after mine, then I had to go fetch him back. L0L! Noob la... waste all my kilojoules seh... At my place, we slacked la duh. Hmm... played games on my xbox, used the laptop, invest more and made our own Earthquake Ice cream too! L0L! NICE RITE !? =X Dennis had to leave at 6pm because he had prayer meeting in church, so left Alex, Jeremiah, Wei Xuan and me la. L0L! He had pizza for dinner and they stayed till about 11pm playing the CSI game. L0L! Alex managed to figure out how to play it man, isn't that amazing!? L0L! So I realise that I didn't waste my money on that game afterall. ^^ Oh on Wednesday I think I stayed at home right? Yeah, I think so. L0L! I'm forgetful. My Bad! We planned to go jogging again on Thursday, unfortunately the rain didn't stop since Wednesday night. We waited an hour, but the rain didn't seem to simmer down. So, Dennis, Jeremiah and Weixuan decided to come over to my place again. This time no ice cream. L0L! We slacked and played more xbox. I made lousy investments too! =[ They stayed till about 6pm plus before we went to Alif for dinner. After that, Jeremiah went home while Weixuan and I accompanied Dennis to see a Chinese doctor because he was feeling pain on his back. The doctor gave him some treatment, I forgot what it's called and it took about half an hour. I didn't know there was a Watsons around that area and I only figured out that day! Tsk tsk. After that, everyone went home! Friday was a good day! First, went for jogging about noon time with Dennis, Jeremiah and Weixuan at Bukit Gombak stadium! Ok la, timing still about the same, but this time I jogged more than the previous time. I jogged for 3 and a quarter rounds before stopping and walking. L0L! Oh, we recorded a video too! Take a look at this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2pjdQ-mK94 Sorry, I still haven't figure out how to upload the videos here! It just doesn't seem to work man. =[ After running, went for lunch before heading home. I reached home to take a shower before heading off to Orchard to meet my secondary school friends! I was late, but earlier than most of them! I met Kumar first and went to the Apple Centre to check out the prices of their notebooks. After calculations, I think everything amount to at least $3000! >.< Scare Rite ? Even I kena Scareded seh... However, I think my dad's willing to get it for me. Aww... Malbindar came after that and we had "lunch" before meeting up with Justin to go over to Marina. I was kind of worried about Hongyue's 'A' level results because she didn't answer my calls or reply my smses. Hmm... don't worry k ? It's not the end of the world! Believe in yourself! ^^ I used to be damn good at consoling people man, but now I just suck at it la. L0L! So Pardon me! I went to Marina Square's "The Wallet Shop" to get some stuff. We had dinner at Pizza Hut before heading back home. Malbindar and I decided to take the bus back... ...We were talking at the bus stop about religion, typically Christianity. He told me about his experience and how he became a Christian too. So the guy's name who convinced him to become a Christian was "Shawn" and his surname was "Tan". I'm not B.Sing! Coincidence? You decide. Soon the bus came and we were still talking about Christianity on the bus. Hot Topic seh. L0L! Somehow, someway while we were talking halfway, this guy was getting ready to alight from the bus. Apparently I chose the seat just in front of the backdoor. Coincidence? Yeah, so the guy was holding this plastic bag and I swear it is the first I've seen for the 19 years on Earth. Before even looking at what was written on the bag, I knew it had something to do with Christianity. The first word I saw was "Fellowship" and the next was "Worship". Coincidence? I was freaked out! and I told Malbindar to look too! He was stunned too and we both agreed that it was a sign and I'm still a little petrified now when I think about it. Ok, then after that another guy was about to alight then he tapped his Ez-Link card already, but somehow he didn't realise it then he went to tap again, but obviously won't work la. Then, he went like "My GOD" and I heard it, but apparently Malbindar didn't. Coincidence? Yeah, perhaps to some people it may not mean anything at all, but I felt like someone was trying to tell me something? Ok, so I needed to talk to someone! Fei Ge's probably the only one that I can talk to, but he was out that night and I didn't want to disturb him, so I said I'll call on Saturday. Saturday, went over to my aunty's house to celebrate my little cousin's birthday! ^^ My aunty had a job for me too, but I'm not sure if there's any vacancies left because they have been requesting for staff since last month. I'll only know the results on Monday, so we'll see. I reached home about 10pm plus ? Slack Slack Chat Chat Dota Dota till about 1.30am? I gave Fei Ge a call after that and talked for about an hour. Yes, I'm blessed to have a wonderful and understanding big bro! =] And I'm touched la! Really! =]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] I told him that I just wanted to experience God first and not get myself into a cell group or stuff. He was cool about it and he told he will accompany me till I'm ready. After that, I couldn't mic with Khairul on MSN leh, but we kept trying for about half an hour before giving up. L0L! By that time it was 3am plus already and I had to get up at 7.30am. I laid on my bed, but I couldn't sleep. So I just laid there... "If I lay here... If I just lay here... Would you lie with me and just forget the world...?" K... Jitao no link! =X By the time lay finish already 7.30am liao, so wake up, bathe and out of the house. I told my dad I going out with my friends. L0L! When I reached Bukit Batok MRT station, I realised that the 7-11 there had closed down and I wasn't really surprised because the feng shui there isn't good. All the shops opened there will eventually close. L0L! I had to travel to Expo... EXPO LEH!!! L0L! Ok, I won't complain... EXPO SEH!!! Ok... enough... EX... K... So I didn't tell anyone that I'm going except Fei Ge. I was trying to keep a low profile and I didn't want the people in the previous cell group I was in to know. Aiyo... Mission FAILED terribly la. At the Tanah Merah MRT station, Fei Ge called asked me where I was already. Surprised Right? I early seh! Then, I received a sms after that and I thought it was from Fei Ge... It went like... "Hey, Gd Morning! hurhurhur!". Alamak Dennis! I looked around and didn't see him leh, so I thought he wanted to ask me about the job. So I replied... "Morning to u too, Wassup?". His reply was... "So early going Changi ah?". Alamak SianZ kena spotted liao. GG! Yeah, so when I alighted at Expo station, I saw him. Tsk tsk. Spying on me ah ? Jialat, got so many spies already and my cover has been blown! L0L! So I meet Fei Ge and 2 of his friends, then intro awhile... In his words "This is my friend and now he is your friend!" DOTZ.DOTZ.DOTZ. Ape Je !? before proceeding to Hall 8. On the way there, I saw another familiar face. >.< Fei Ge had to go up to the stage for the Choir thing, so left me with his 2 friends, but I never talk to them ah because I paisei. Service was good and yeah it was different this time! I actually sang and prayed unlike 2 years ago when I'll just stand there like a log. I think Fei Ge was pretty surprised too because he kept glancing over at me... Oei! Wad See See!? =X During service, Fei Ge told me certain stuff too like Righteousness is Natural and Holyness is Supernatural. Somewhere along that line la. Ok... Understood and Enlightened already. I felt comfort actually when I was in the service. It's a nice feeling too! Then, there's the part where they ask new members there for the first 2 times to stand up. I remembered that like on the train and I told myself I'll probably not stand ah because I *shy*, but in the end I stood up leh! Brave right? You all scare already right !? ^^ I think I made a right decision going today! Really! I thanked god for leading me there too! =] After service, Fei Ge said he was going to meet that ex cell group that I know of. He asked if I wanted to join him, but I decided not to. On the way out, I saw another familiar face! Aiyo... Hat-Trick liao. Fei Ge was meeting that cell group at the hall, but he was nice enough to walk me all the way to the MRT station. Wah... Thanks!! ^^ Ok, when we reached the station the train was only coming in 4 minutes. He told me to wait till a minute then go in, so I waited with him and talked awhile. He told me to come support him for Emerge somewhere in June? Yeah, I'll try k ? Really! Then, while waiting, I saw Dennis again! Tsk tsk... stalker! Jialat! Kk, fast forward a little! On the train... iPod.Sms.Sleep.iPod.Sms.Sleep.iPod.Sms.Sleep.Sleep.Sleep... I reached Bukit Batok about 1.45pm? I went to buy some food then head home. Yeah, so makan then bathe then now blogging. I'm tired, but I have no inspiration to sleep, so I shall not! L0L! Let me plan my schedule for this week because it is going to be a boring week. Khairul going for chalet on Tuesday all the way till Friday and most slightly he will be busy tomorrow. This means, nobody to talk crap with me and play dota at the same time for 5 days! Demoralise ah demoralise. SianZZz... I'm not sure if I'm getting the job too, so I'll just leave that out for now. Ok, here's my schedule! Monday: Jog. Cut Hair. Meet Malbindar and Khairul if possible. Tuesday: Slack @ Home la! Or Swimming Perhaps? ^^ Wednesday: Jog. Thursday: Meet Hongyue and Malbindar. Friday: Jog. Yeah, I think I missed out certain things that I'm suppose to do, but I cannot recall now. If I'm suppose to meet someone or do something, please let me know k? Ok! Blogged for almost 3 hours already! I need to stop here for now, so take good care everyone! =] "I dream, therefore I become." - Cheryl Renee Grossman |
|