Ok, i'm much better already. I still have unsettled issues to deal with, but I'm just taking it a step at a time. More importantly, it's a month since I got saved! Isn't that COOL !?

Anyway, I guess I didn't really started out the way I want to this month. Sometimes, things just happen in your life that you feel you have no control of or can't do anything about. Yeah, but I suppose we just have to move on no matter what. I sort of figured out that I can only depend on myself and look out for me. The cold hard fact is that eventually your friends won't be there for you as much as you would like. Think about it... just 5 years down the road, will your current friends still be there for you ? I can't say yes or no because I won't know till then. Actually, thinking about it, it doesn't really matter. The main thing is...

"Come Good, Go Good."

in the words of Siang Yee. L0L! It simply means that if a good friendship should end, then end it in a good way and walk away from it. Yup! It's true la. If you see no point in maintaining a friendship with that person, then walk away from it in a good way.

OK... like I was saying... Ok, I forgot what I wanted to say already. BUT HEY!!! Friendship is important la! But being sincere is much more important! If sincerity = 0, then friendship = 0. Makes sense ?

Oh I remember already. Sometimes I really get sick of people who make empty promises and don't lift up to their words. I rather they tell me on the spot that they can't meet me than agree on a date and not fulfill the promise 3 out of 4 times. Then what's the purpose of agreeing in the first place? If I agree on a date, I will make myself free on that day no matter how busy I am. Of course I expect others to do the same since we agreed on that date. I spent 2 days thinking about so many things and this was something that pop in my head while I was thinking about everything. How can you say that you care about me when you can't even lift up to the promise you made to me ? Think about it... Isn't it contradicting? You say you care about someone and you put aside a day every month to meet up or something, but 3 out of 4 times you cancelled it because you are busy? I don't think I am demanding or asking for alot especially when it's only once a month. I don't think I'm being unreasonable either because if you already agreed on a certain day each month, then shouldn't you make damn sure you make yourself available on that day?

So now I know... I'm not going to set aside a day each month to meet whoever because I know they won't make themselves available anyway. I don't intend to ask them out ever again or anything unless they do the asking. By the way, these people are the kind that I try my best to meet whenever THEY ask me. However, whenever I ask them to meet, they are busy or whatever. So how does that feel? Think about it. Honestly, I rather be angry at someone than be disappointed. If I'm angry, yeah perharps I may ignore you for awhile, but eventually I'll still talk to you. Being disappointed is just losing trust in that person and in fact it hurts more too la.

Yeah, so after mentioning all of these... I came to a conclusion that I'm actually on my own. In fact, everyone is. You really can't depend on others. It's truly every man for himself. I seriously hope I'm wrong about it, but apparently people just keep proving that I'm right. I'm not directing what I've said to anyone. I would just like to tell everyone not to set aside a date each month to meet and not commit to it. The feeling is really ah ... *sighz*... True friends... when I think about that it's kind of sad because I don't know who my true friends are. It's confusing la seriously. I guess I care too much about others at times and so I thought that they will do the same towards be, but that almost never happens.

No, I'm not EMO now. I'm just writing down the thoughts I had for the past few days. I decided that I should just carry on with my life. I mean friends will come and go in your life la. That's just the way it is. If they are sincere in maintaining the friendship, then they would. If they aren't, then they won't bother. Yup, that's the cold hard fact for you whether you choose to believe it or not. I still do care alot for them because that's just who I am, but I can only hope that they do too just as much. Anyway, I'm going to stop here for now because I'm going to sleep. K guys, please do take care of yourselves and cya all soon yea? =]

"Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal."
- Mike Ditka