Hey guys, I have been putting some thought about the things that matter in life. Recently, I discovered that my heart isn't as normal as everyone else. Let me sum it up real quick.

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

My heart has irregular rhythms compared to a normal heart. I have like 10 irregular beats in just a second, which makes it pretty scary. In doctor's terms, it's very frequent PVCs. I was told different things from different doctors, so I'm not too sure which to follow. The doctor at Alexander Hospital said it isn't a problem if my heart isn't weak and thankfully, my heart is not weak. The doctor at Military Medicine Institute said the beats are abnormal and frequent and I might have to go for more test. My dad's doctor said I shouldn't be doing any exercise and I should take medication to reduce the irregular beats because in the future it may weaken my heart. The polyclinic's doctor said I shouldn't do strenuous exercise in the next 3 months. I asked him if I could do any exercise at all and he said it was better not to. Yup, I'm pretty bumped out about it and I guess pretty screwed in a way. Medical fees aren't cheap and medication will only cost a bomb. I just hope that somehow I will get better.

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down

Going through all of that really made me thought about the importance in life and how to lead it. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm not living the life I want. I feel that I've wasted lots of time and effort on people that don't even appreciate it. I don't mind putting time and effort into people, but the least they can do is appreciate it right? Is it so hard to be thankful and grateful? Why do people take things for granted? Why do people forgo a second chance to change for the better and be a better person? I know that if I'm ever given a second chance to learn from my mistakes, I will definitely take it and make the best out of it.

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
These words are my heart and soul

I realised that I shouldn't be spending time and effort on people that don't appreciate anything. What's the point? I can't keep trying to please everyone around me like I always do anymore. Yes, I'm that kind of person and that's why people always take advantage of me. I know who are the people in my life that care and love me for who I truly am. I guess those are the people who I should spend more quality time with rather than those who only care about what I have or what I can do.

We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

I guess I realised who I truly am as a person. I'm just your nice and naive 20-year old kid across the street you know? Yes, I'm unique and special in my own way and I believe everyone is. For me, I tend to think with my Heart more than my Head. It's a good thing in certain ways because I know I have a big heart and a big capacity to forgive. However, my best attribute is also my biggest downfall in a way. I tend to give in to others too much and perhaps allow them to walk all over me in a way. I have to find that balance, so that things will be better for me. It isn't always about the people around me. Sometimes, I need to be selfish and think about what's better for me.

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go

Oh well, enough of me ranting. I checked with the polyclinic's doctor and he said I won't be able to get into PES B. That really sank my heart. I just want to be normal like everyone else and do what everyone else does. It sucks to think that I'm abnormal compared to everyone around me. It just pisses me of. What have I ever done to deserve to be abnormal ? Oh man, I really hate going to the army to be a clerk. To me, it's just a waste of time and not worth it. My dad was asking me to take night classes if I were to get those 9 to 5 jobs, but I don't know if I still have the energy to study after work. I also need to have my own free time right?

But if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you

Anyway, I'm planning a trip over to Kuala Lumpur for a couple of days. Alex is still waiting for his passport to be ready, so we haven't decided on the date yet. However it should be between 12th to 18th May. Alex's friend can get us a good rate at this 4-star hotel called "The Royale Bintang KL". It's really cheap like 100RM per night for the room, which means SG$50. That means each of us only pay SG$25/night in a 4-star hotel smack right in the middle of the city, where the shopping district is. Isn't that awesome? L0L!

And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through

Also, my dad wants to bring me to Cairns in Australia for 5 days. It's sort of a Father-Son bonding thing. The thing is he can only go in either May or June. However, I'm working and I'm most slightly taking a week off in May to go KL with my friend, so I can't take another week off. Oh man, I have wanted to go to Cairns for such a long time already! I hope I can plan everything out nicely and make a trip there! Yup, not to forget another trip with my friends to Hanoi, Vietnam as well. I hope that would work out as well.

I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Oh well, right now, it's just about working during the weekdays and enjoying as much as I can over the weekends. I'm starting to like my job alot because there really isn't much to do here. Sometimes I just work for less than an hour and the rest of the day I slack off. Honestly, the most I worked so far is like half the day? The other half is spent during my own stuff. Haha. Yup, so that's the great thing about working here and there isn't much to complain considering that I'm given a laptop and there's internet access as well (that's why I can blog!). Haha. Yeah, so I guess I'll be stopping here for today. Take care everyone and I hope to hear from all of you again soon! Remember to SMILE! =]

"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Be honorable yourself if you wish to associate with honorable people."
- Welsh Proverb