This song has been stuck in my head and iPod recently. I feel like I can relate to it and the lyrics are so meaningful. Just search for Lee Dewyze and you'll be able to find the song. Well, I keep saying in every post that I'll try to update more often. However, the more I say that, the less updates I seem to post. In fact, this is the FIRST post of 2011. Goodness, can you believe it? It took me 6 months to blog ! So what have I been up to?

Dear Blog,

Boy have I neglected you for the past 5 months. To cut to the chase, I'm finally clearing my leave and working forward to my ORD on 5th Jan 2011. A lot has happened in just 5 months. Both good and bad. Well, I guess everything happens for a reason, so I try not to dwell on the negatives.

I'll be pursuing my Degree next year, starting on 3rd Jan 2011. I'll be doing the Bachelor of Business (Management) at SIM, RMIT. Just yesterday, I went for the course briefing and I'm quite concern in fact. I don't know if I'll be able to make it. I've always want to go straight to the workforce after my NS, however my parents and close friends insist on me studying. Hopefully, I can make them proud and get the degree. *Sighz* the feeling of going back to school.

I'm thinking if I should find a flexible job as my schedule isn't so pack for now. However, the textbooks are quite insane. $266.60 for 4 books to be used in just one semester!? I can only imagine how much I'm going to spend every semester, and these books are freaking thick! I guess my mindset isn't ready to start studying again. To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty worried and dreading to go back to school.

Well, I'm very proud of what I've managed to achieve in my time during NS. A lot of people always have the misconception that being a clerk is an easy job. You get to sit in the office the whole day and relax. Well, that's true if you have a good officer. Let's just not talk about mine. Last year, I was told indirectly that I wouldn't be able to handle and cope well doing the audit when it was my turn to be in charge. So I decided to prove him wrong, I left and started from scratch. For the audit this year, they were not able to spot a mistake from me. Speaks a lot about my character, give me the benefit of the doubt and I'll do my best to prove you wrong.

I'm glad that I took this path, as I managed to meet some of the most crazy and fun people! It was like a totally different culture. I enjoyed and embraced it. More importantly, I know I've met some friends for life and I'll definitely invest my time and effort into these friendships. Marc, Liang and Benson/Miller/Toby (one of the best big bros of all!), thanks for the wonderful memories you guys left. Finally, I'm over and done with NS. Thank God.

I'm left with about 2 and a half weeks before school begins. I'm going to take this time to revamp my room as there's going to be a BIG change. A new wardrobe, book cabinet and printer. I've already cleared whatever things that I do not want anymore, so it's just a matter of shifting things around. Hopefully, I'll be able to give my room more of me. Besides revamping the room, meeting up with friends whom I haven't been contacting for sometime now! Apart from that, continue to work on my fitness. Lastly, I guess I should start hitting the books? That's definitely not a good feeling. I should come up with a schedule and try my best to stick to it, if not I'll end up wasting my remaining December.

I realise that when my friends start doing shift work, I have lesser time to spend with them. Hopefully, I'll find some sort of way to overcome this and not lose contact with them as both of them are 2 of the most closest friends that I have. I guess this is something I have to work on and not give up or else the friendship would be gone.

Alright, that's all for today. At least, I finally managed to accomplished what I set myself to do for today. =)

"Hold on to what's important in your life and not let go, because you'll never know when you'll lose it."

hello ! it's been a long time ! missing for 2 months.
i'm stopping the my name is Shawn series till NS is complete.
That's when i'll sum everything in my NS life. =)

anyway, i have been busy with ndp duty on Saturdays.
yup! nearly all my Sats have been burned.
Thankfully, today was the preview show already.
all that's left is the actual day on 9th Aug. =]

i'm really happy that i'm left with just 4 more months.
i officially ORD in Jan, but i'll be clearing at least 14 days in Dec.
i can't believe that it has been more than 1.5 years already!
well, another part of my life is almost complete!

i've seen, learn and experienced a whole lot in NS.
more importantly, i've made some of the bestest of friends! =)
especially the one that stays just a street away.
that's rare to find man !
i'm definitely going to stay in close contact with those that have been treating me really well.
don't worry! you guys won't be forgotten! promise ! =)

anyway, i've been thinking of my future.
my current studies haven't been up to standard.
i'm thinking of what's best now.
my parents want me to study and get a degree at least.
however, my previous company want me back.
they don't mind me working short term either.

my good friends told me to study too.
they say it's more important.
i should listen to everyone because they are older and probably wiser.
however, i'm not a studying kind of person.
i want to have a head start in my career too.
so i'm caught in a dilemma.
i have to sort my thoughts out and decide soon.
i won't want to miss anymore Uni enrolments!

"Never in a million years did i ever think that i will find some of my best friends in NS." =)

(...continue...)


i met this girl whom I grew to like.
we went out on 2 different occasions.
she opened up and shared her problems with me.
she told me how she felt about me.
then i found out she got attached.
i was shattered after that.


imagine approaching someone for their number.
the first time you ever approached a girl.
you thought you had something going on with her.
then you found out she decided to go with someone else.
from then till now, i have not approached anyone else.
i still feel the pain and i'm still healing.


in poly, i commit my life to Jesus.
i felt something was missing in me.
it's like i wasn't complete.
having that special relationship helped a lot.
especially in forgiving and healing.
i became to change.
i stopped swearing.
i began to walk into the right path.
unfortunately, i seem to be losing my way again.


the person who brought me to church turned on me.
he made use of me and used my own emotions against me.
he made me believe he was in need of help and money.
knowing i was the kind of person that will try and help.
i made a huge mistake.
one that i really learnt a lot from.
i lost a total of a 5-digit sum of money.
betrayal on his part.
foolishness on mine.


that turned my life upside down.
i couldn't accept it.
i was so shocked and upset.
imagine your own brother did that to you?
how would you feel?
the pain within me was overwhelming.
i started doing stupid things.
things that i regret.
smoking, drinking, etc.


i would take long walks and stay out late.
alcohol would be my solution.
i didn't share what i was going through with my family.
i kept it to myself.
things got out of hand.


then one night while i was in bed thinking.
when my tears started rolling down.
when i started to breakdown.
God spoke.
that changed everything.
that was what that really mattered.
it got me back on track once again.


healing took place slowly, but eventually things went back to normal.
it took months, maybe even a year.
i took things back into my own hands again.
i realised that the past cannot be changed.
and i shouldn't dwell in it.
even till today, my parents do not know about it.
i'll probably not share this story with them.


my last year in poly i started slacking.
it was the wrong time to.
it was the most important year of all.
and i needed to maintain my results to get a good overall GPA.
unfortunately, my self-discipline wasn't there.
i did badly for my last year.
i still graduated of course, but not with the GPA i would like.


after poly, marks the start of Work.
now this really OPENED my eyes to the world out there.



i managed to get a job fast as my friend was also looking for one.
sadly, he didn't manage to get it.
they wanted someone who could commit for at least a couple of months.


i worked at v'hive and was stationed at Causeway Point.
the sales manager and i couldn't see eye to eye.
i only worked there for about 2 to 3 weeks?
but i didn't see the point in working there any further.
to be honest, the pay was alright, but working hours were long.
i quickly search for another job and jumped ship.


the next job was an admin job that was office hours.
pay was normal at $6 per hour.
honestly, there wasn't much to do at all.
i would complete the work they gave me fast.
then i'll be free for the rest of the day.
they assumed that i had nothing to do at all.
when in fact i completed everything they assigned to me.
this job lasted for a month.


after that i decided to take a break.
i went on a 1 month getaway.
a week in Koh Phangan, Thailand.
back to Singapore for a day.
off to Kuala Lumpur for 3 days.
back to Singapore for less than a week.
off to Nepal for a slightly more than a week.
i had lots of fun in that month.
going to different places, experiencing new things.


when i returned in june, there was still no news of my enlistment.
i decided to go on a job hunt again.
this time i wanted to go back to the telemarketing line.
i went for quite a number of interviews.
one was for starhub and they told me they will inform me if i made it.
the other was for a new company that was just starting up.
they said they will get back to me too.
i prefered the new company as the pay was more attractive.


thankfully, that company got back to me and i managed to get the job.
eventually, starhub called me as well, but i was already hired.
i sticked to the company from june to december.
i was the very first full-time staff the company hired.
i saw staff come and go as well.
the pay was good so i didn't have any complains.


however, there were still office politics every now and then.
also, there are times when i didn't agree with the management.
i would state my point and not hold back.
thankfully, my points were taken.


i only received my enlistment letter in december.
i was enlisting in on 6th of january.
with only a month of notice, i decided to quit my job.
the reason was becasue i wanted to take the time and enjoy.
i was happy and upset at the same time.
happy because i finally received my letter after so long.
upset because i knew my 2 years of freedom would be gone.

on the 5th of january, i had my medical appointment at nuh.
the doctor told me that my condition was normal.
irregular heart rhythms do happen to certain individuals at times.
he said to stop the medication and to come back 3 months later.
he wanted to see how my condition would be like without medication.

i was quite relieved knowing that there was nothing wrong with me.
i was also thinking of changing my PES status since the doctor said i could.
however, my enlistment day was the very next day.
if i were to change my PES, i had to wait for months again.
i decided not to wait any further and just proceed with it.
i don't want to waste any more time waiting to enlist into NS.

So 6th January 2009 came, my life in NS began...

(...to be continued...)

my name is Shawn and this is my story...

this series is to give an insight of my life and why i am the way i am.
some of my close friends still don't understand the way i handle things.
i always have a reason to do the things i do.
hopefully the ones i truly care about will come to realise who i am.

this series will also remind myself of the things i've overcomed.
the things that built me into who i am today.
events that have changed my life.
situations that i have to face.
mistakes that i've made.
maybe this entry will help me resolve certain issues in my life.

15th Feb 1988 - marks the day i was born.
that means, 22 years walking on this very earth.

my Family is small, just the 4 of us.
dad, mum, elder sis 3 yrs older than i am.
and how can anyone forget Leo?
my 1.5 year old baby pup!

well, i've never been close with my family.
perhaps you could say because of circumstances?
dad is the kind that "anything goes".
mum always feel she's right and wants things her way.
sis, never really cared or took care of me.
physically she's there, but i somehow don't feel her presence at times.
myself, the stubborn and rebellious brother.

i don't share much with my family.
i tend to keep to myself, my thoughts, my problems.
sometimes i would share it with my closer friends rather than them.
i admire some of my friends who are so close with their family.
both their parents are like friends to them rather than parents.
sometimes i do feel awkward when others ask my about my family.
what do i tell them?
i've never really been able to answer that question properly.

life in Primary school was a start of something new.
people would make fun of me because i was soft?
however, i made really close friends with some.
others, i didn't really care much about.

i wasn't the study kind of person unlike my sister.
her results would always be uncomparable to mine.
the worst part was she was selfish.
she didn't want to help me with my studies at all.
i slowly grew to hate her.

my mum used to cane me for getting poor results.
maybe i wasn't putting as much effort as i should.
however, i did try at least.

then something happened in pri 4 towards the exams.
my mum was hospitalised.
she had to go through an operation.
it was probably the first reality check i had at the age of 9.
after the operation, she had to stay in hospital for quite awhile.
i would cry sometimes in the showers without my dad knowing.
i didn't want him to get worried more than he already was.

that was probably the first turning point of my life.
i realised that i should do things on my own.
be initiave and take life in my own hands.

the hardest part was leaving to Secondary school.
i wanted to get into the same school as my closer friends.
but it was tough and my results weren't so good either.
i didn't manage to get into any of the schools nearby as well.

i was very disappointed when i knew the school i was going to.
it was so difficult to part from people you have been for 6 years.
i felt secondary school was just to get over the 4 years as fast as i could.
i didn't really care what was going to happen.
that was the wrong way to enter into a new environment.

i was very reserved during the start of secondary school.
i didn't talk or socialise much.
thankfully, there were more outgoing and friendly people.
they approached me first and i started to open up slowly.
friends came and go.
some left for different schools.
some went to different classes.
me? i kept a low profile and did what i have to.

the close friends that i made, i still keep in close contact.
some others i still do as well, unfortunately not as much.
so 4 years came and go, so did the 'O' level exams.
i thought i did fairly alright.
however, it didn't seem that way when the results came.

L1R5 was 25 and L1R4 was 19.
that dashed my hopes of getting into the course i wanted to.
i was pretty lost and didn't know what to study.
my options were limited as well.
i decided to take up an engineering course in the end.
the reason being it can open more doors for me.

so began the life in Polytechnic.
everyone had this idea that life in poly is better than in jc.
are you freakin' kiddin' me ?
whoever said that in poly you don't have to go everyday is nt true!
lessons started from morning all the way till evening at times.

well, before school officially started, there was an orientation.
it was quite a boring one to be frank.
although i managed to meet my classmates.
still, it was not lively at all.

my approach in poly changed.
i decided to be more approachable and open up to others first.
i've learnt that everyone is shy when they first meet.
if i don't make the first step to know the person, would they?
if they don't, then are we just going to sit there quietly?

so things became better in poly.
i managed to get to know different people from different walks of life.
there were many different classes as well.
so i had the chance to get to know more people.

we had lots of fun times in poly.
from skipping classes to having long breaks.
from sleeping in class to making fun of the lecturers.
from copying assignments to spending long hours doing projects.
it was all the nonsense that made me grew close with my poly friends.

poly life changed my view and perspective of a lot of things.
things change and people change too.
i started to see the world for what it truly is.
i started to change my opinion of certain things.
i felt a change in myself as well...

(...to be continued...)

Ever encountered a situation at work where you're unsure how to make a decision?
Do you help the person because he/she is a close friend of yours?
Or do you separate work from your personal life?
Would you help someone out more because that person is a close friend?
Sometimes, it's really hard to separate the fake from the real?
Who do you trust and who's truly a friend to you?

Colleagues or Friends?


Don't be fooled by people being nice towards you at work!
Colleagues are merely people you are forced to work and put up with.
Some don't even bother or think about your feelings.
They just want to get the job done and that's it.
Some even go all out without thinking about others.
They would stab you in the back in a heartbeat just to get on top.
These people are clearly not your friends.
They are nice to you just for companionship.
The cold hard truth is that they do not care about you.
They just want their own life to be better.


Friends are the one that truly care about how you feel.
Even if they are faced with a situation that could affect their career.
They would still consider their friend's feelings.
Yes, not all friends are necessarily like this.
However, I'm pretty sure that true friends are.

My theory is that Colleagues are just there to work with you.
Basically, they would make use of you to get an upper hand.
They don't bother to really mix and socialise much.
They are selfish and would stab you in the back in a heartbeat.

Agree? Yes/No ? Please do comment! =)

I just realised that this is my FIRST entry for 2010.
Wow, 3 months just went by fast... Really fast.
It's still consider the start of 2010, but it seems longer than that.

Most of my time is spent in camp nowadays.
Sometimes, even over the weekends.
Ah well, I chose this life and I still prefer it.

A lot has happened in just 3 months.
It almost seem unreal.
Let's try to rewind and see what's been going on.

January marks the end of my 1st semester for my specialise diploma.
I just checked my results today and it's rather disappointing.
1 B and 2 C+ with a GPA of 2.66. *Sighz*
Guess it's my fault for not putting more effort in it.
Should I continue with it next semester?
I don't know if I want to because of the time constraint.
Nowadays, most of my time has been invested in camp.
Furthermore, we are going to be in charge of the NDP.
Rehersals starts next month for 4 months!!
So you can count the number of weekends that's going to be burn. =[

February was an amazing month !
Promotion to CPL ! Weee! $50 more!
Also, Chinese New Year ! Ang Baos !!
Not forgetting, my 22nd Birthday ! More Loves !
My birthday was on the 2nd day of CNY.
So I decided to have a Pre-Birthday celebration with my poly mates.
BBQ at Pasir Ris! Photos are in facebook =x
Now I feel like having a BBQ again!
Post-Birthday celebration with camp mates in camp.
Steamboat in our very own pantry.
But SOME people, I don't want to say who only, take MC and PAIDAO!

March marks the end of my very first intake!
It's a shame to see all of them go.
It's such a waste for some of them as well to see the vocation they got.
The very next week was the new intake.
We only have 30 Recs this time.
We were involved in both the Rockwall and Strongman Challenge this month.

Seeing some of the people I'm close with leaving is not fun.
Marc's last day was yesterday during the Strongman Challenge.
Meow's last day is the coming Wed.
Sometimes I feel very unlucky. Why?
Wo de hao peng you quan bu ORD before wo.
No fair man. All the good people are leaving before me. =[

For some reason, this intake seems to be quite relax.
However, now there's only 2 admins, so it's going to be challenging.
Oh well, I don't really bother much about this intake.
I didn't socialise as much as I did in the previous intake.
The reason is simple, what's the point?
At the end of the day, I didn't get the guys I want from the previous intake.

Furthermore, it shouldn't be ME to fight for the company.
I'm only a NSF and that's it.
This is what I've come to realise:
Whoever comes in or whoever goes, I don't care anymore.
Reason is simple, I'm still going to ORD whatever happens.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish and do what's best for you.
All I need to do is survive till 10th Dec.

Yes, I've already started to plan! Hehehee!
10th Dec will be my last day officially.
My last intake would be 117th !
After that, there will be a camp break till 14th Dec.
So I won't be seeing the 118th intake at all!
Weee!
It's still not fair man! All my brothers abandoning me! =[
*Sighz* What to do?
Some people ar.. Don't want to say who only.. PAIDAO!

Anyway, I've applied for NTU.
However, they have not get back to me yet.
I just tried my luck and hopefully there's a slot for me.
If there isn't, I'll probably proceed to study in SIM.
I do not wish to pursue Engineering though.

Thankfully tomorrow is a day off, so I can blog through the night!
It's a day at the Zoo tomorrow with the camp mates!
I haven't been there for ages too.
The best part is it is FREE! hehehe.

Also, next Saturday I'll probably be heading to JB with the poly gang!
Why? Because some people ar, I don't want to say who again.. PAIDAO!
I need a new pair of shoes ! Queensway anyone? =)

This shall be it for now.
I'm afraid if I were to go on, I won't be able to get up tomorrow.
Then I'll really get hammered as I'm holding on to the Zoo pass.
L0L!
So take care everyone and I'll try to blog tomorrow if time permits! =)