Now I noe wad it means by the truth can hurt u. I reached home like 11pm when I actually could be earlier. I walked all the way frm Bukit Batok Interchange back home thinking, nothing else but think. I stopped at a bus stop juz to think bout' my life. I realised something tt I haf not realise for over a year. Tt is my life has pretty much been ruined when I went to upper sec. In pri sch, it was horrible too. I was an outcast, except for a few frens. There were ppl making fun of me, calling me names and stuffs. But tt was den, when we were still childish and immature. In lower sec, I wasn't gonna let ppl make fun of me or took advantage of me, nobody did. The onli problem was tt I had a realli serious attitude problem. In upper sec, everything doesn't seem to go rite. Everything's juz wrong...

I'm juz so shocked, I simply do not noe how to describe how I feel rite now. I'm juz like emotionally broken down. When I actually thought tt I'm close wif some1, turns out tt I dunnoe much bout' them. I thought at had a gd relationships wif certain ppl, but it turns out tt I'm wrong, totally. I dun even noe the basic stuffs, it's disappointing to trust some1 this much, but u dun get it in return.

"r we considered close in ur opinion"
"u decide"

Yea, I definitely noe why now. It's simply fucked up man. Questions arouse about how well I treat some ppl, well I think they shld be asking themselves tt question. How well did they actually treat me? Did they actually care for me even as a fren, tt's the minimum, I'm not even talking about more than frens. They said they treated me well when they treated me like dirt. I've nothing left to say if they feel tt treating me like dirt is treating me well. I do not noe how on earth one can question me bout' how well I treat him or her when I treat tt person like my veri own sibling. Tt juz hurts me alot, a hell lot. If tt is how he or she feels, den I realli think I made a mistake knowing tt person. It's painful to even type this out.

I've always kept my emotions inside of me, whenever I'm depressed. But I can't do tt anymore. I need someone there for me, someone who will stand by me and juz talk to me. But I can't seem to find tt person. There's one who realli noes me well, but tt's juz isn't the rite person I can turn too, furthermore, we're the same age. There's another, who's a girl, but she already has many problems to deal wif, I dun wanna be a burden to her. I juz hope I find this person soon, like a gurdian angel or smt, who will always be there for me when I'm in need.

I've always thought that ppl I feel close wif are actually close to me. Last yr I was close wif this 1 guy, turns out tt he's a backstabber. I tried to keep my distance frm him frm den onwards, but didn't tell others bout' his behaviour. I'll always try not to be around him unless unfortunately somebody I'm going out wif calls him along and tt will totally sux cuz I can't even bear to look at him. I realli hope none of this will happen again cuz it realli hurts.

On the surface, I may seem pretty fine all the time, but in actual fact, deep down inside of me, I'm not at all fine. Ppl juz dun see it, they dun see how fucking shitz I feel deep inside of me. Tt sucks, it realli does. And wad do they do? They continue making fun of me and callin me nicknames wifout knowing their limit like there's no end. Wad do I do? I smile, make fun of them back and other silly stuffs. How do I actually feel? Horrible, Disappointed, Dejected and juz Fucked up. It realli does sucks to see ppl going on when they do not noe how I realli feel. Wad do they say? Kidding onli wad, joking onli wad, so serious for wad, go out onli wanna be so serious, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Wad do I feel like telling them? Shuddup and Fuck off. Wad do I actually say? Yea, ok sorry, my bad, maybe I take stuffs too seriously? Wad do I think? There's a time to joke and a time to be serious, dun go over the limit.

I dunnoe how to describe how I feel rite now, I juz think tt I shld keep a distance away frm certain ppl, allow time to pass and hopefully forget. After my 'O' lvls and when we are separate to different schs, I juz hope tt I won't meet such ppl again in which ever poly tt I go to. Whether I'll stay in contact wif anyone frm sec sch? I think the answer is obvious. I won't go on any further cuz it's juz too painful to continue and I realli think tt some ppl are realli gonna get hurt if I do.


borderline


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This was a quiz I took, but I think tt's not how I am.